Seasonal

I work in an industry that is considered "seasonal" which means I get laid off anytime between Thanksgiving and March 1st. I can collect unemployment in the meantime. But as I receive the paperwork to fill out, every year I become overwhelmed and end up filling it out late/or not at all...... So my finances suffer.

This year layoff began very late, mid December. My regular paychecks got me thru the holiday gift buying stage..... So I am sitting here, staring at my unemployment paperwork and actually dreading having to fill it out. WHY? Why can't I look at my checkbook and bills and just pay the friggin' bills? This is just too much for me..... I have the money to pay the bills, I have the checks, I have the envelopes and the stamps. The mailbox is right outside my front door. So wtf is my problem? Laziness? Depression? Both? Neither?

As I began to think about filling out my paperwork, my cell rang. Not one to jump for the phone these days, I let it ring..... Then after it stops ringing I have just enough nerve to check and see who I was avoiding. It was work.... Can I start back again THIS Wednesday? UGH! Don't they understand that I need at least another week or two in this bed, with my laptop, greasy hair and every excuse in the world NOT to rejoin the human race. I don't want to go to work! And ya know why? Because I know that it is the best thing for me. Although when I return home from my job I put on my sweats, take out the contact lenses, scrape off the makeup and hop right back into my usual position in bed, I do get something out of going to work. I get to feel productive. I socialize, I prioritize, I think, I smile, I am a little bit of the old me. Why can't it continue that way at home? Why can't I pretend to be human at home? Why do I hide when I get here?

Anyway, I told work I'll let them know later. And no, I didn't call them. I texted my boss. I'm not brave enough to use the phone yet. It is just so sick, I am just so sick......