The Road To Suboxone....Part III

So after making an appointment with what seemed like a money hungry doctor, I searched the internet and found about 5 more doctors in NJ that were licensed to prescribe Suboxone. In 2003 the doctor’s who were trained and licensed to prescribe this “new” wonder drug were extremely scarce. And you know what that meant? That these far and few between doctors were basically allowed to charge whatever consultation fee, follow-up fee, and could require you to see them more than was really necessary. After all, they had no competition…….

So I began dialing the doctors listed on the NAABT.ORG website and left message on a few machines. I was so afraid to stop dialing that phone. Afraid that I might get a case of the “fuck-its” and just continue on with my addiction. But something told me that although it was LATE on a Friday night, if I just kept dialing (outside NJ as well), I might have a chance of recovery. I may actually want recovery more than I wanted to use! What a revelation that is for me today! I never thought of my desperation that night, so many years ago, until now.

About 11:00 that same night, my telephone rang. NEVER thinking that a doctor would be calling me back, I answered it.

It was one of the doctors from the NAABT.ORG website listing. He introduced himself and asked me to give him my addiction history. “From the beginning?” I asked. “Of course” he replied. “But it goes back 4 years, and I would have to take you thru a divorce, a c-section, and every other excuse I could come up with to justify my insanity”. He chuckled for a second, and assured me that he wanted to hear my version of my addiction. So I talked for an hour. And between my sobs, gasps, chokes and tears, I told him my story.

All I can remember after that non-abbreviated version of my life story was the words he spoke next. “SuboxoneMom, you are NOT alone. There are far more young to middle aged women that have your disease than you can even imagine. There are so many mothers, wives, teachers, lawyers and even nurses in your exact situation. Women who became addicted, not by choice, but simply by happening upon opiates that have battled withdrawals and any method they could think of to get off of them. And I want to help you.”

He told me to continue my oxycontin use for the time being. He wanted to be sure that I did not suffer unnecessarily!!! We made an appointment for the following Wednesday and we said our goodnights. He never mentioned his fees, and never reminded me to bring my checkbook to the appointment. I had to ask him about the financial aspect of treatment. He gave me his initial consultation fee of $300 and told me not to worry about the rest for now. He wanted to meet with me first, to see if he would consider me as a candidate for the Suboxone. I didn’t realize there was going to be a test for God’s sake!

And so for the next 5 days I went on an oxy binge to end all binges. I was so relieved to know that my “cure” was just right around the corner. PLUS (BIG PLUS), the doctor TOLD me to continue to use!!!

But, as with all good things that must come to an end, Wednesday came much too soon. I was afraid to go to the appointment. So afraid to face the day when I knew I would no longer have oxy in my life. It was like knowing you were going to the vet to have your family pet destroyed. Giving up something I loved so dearly…….no matter how much it was destroying my life. So I brought back up.